Hey! I've just spotted something! You know the letters 'A-X-E-L-A-Y'? Well, look at your joypad a minute. (No, go on, fetch it.) As you can see, the letters on some of the buttons produce the word 'AXELAY'! Well, apart from the E, of course.
Even so, there's a terrific cheat-mode in there somewhere. If you possess the game Axelay, on the title screen, try pressing the buttons 'A-X-L-A-Y' in that order, and you will have access to a secret bonus level. Go on, try it - believe me - it'll work!
You're still here, aren't you? Can't blame you, it doesn't work! Eee hee hee! Oh ho ho!... (Oh, do get on with it - Impatient Reader).
Ahem. As I was saying... Axelay is a shoot 'em up, but it's a little bit special. Oh, it's still a traditional shoot 'em up, of course, but it is a little bit special. You see, not content with churning out either 'yer standard' horizontal or vertical shoot 'em up, Konami have given you 2 (two!) games rolled into one. This means that you get twice as much for your money then, doesn't it? Well, no, not quite. You see, you only get six levels - three horizontal, and three vertical - not quite the bargain it seemed at first.
The horizontal levels are just what you'd expect, with a couple of neat touches. (I can't think of any at the moment though - pure laziness I guess.)
The vertical levels are a touch different to the likes of Aleste, Xenon et al, and quite neat they are, too. It's a little tricky to explain exactly how they work on paper, so, er, buy the game and find out! No, that won't do. The best description I can give, is that the vertical levels scroll in a sort of 'waterfall'. They're not 3-D. Again, Mode-7 is up to its usual tricks. The effect, though, I have to admit, looks quite stunning.
The game involves six levels - each containing an impressive guardian at the end.

"This is your host - N. White, and I'm here

to show you through all of the game's levels. To use a cliché - have you fastened your seat-belt? Okay then, we're ready to rock..."

Area 1 - Cumuluses (Awful Alternative NW name: Rocks 'n' Stuff):
The first level is the vertical scrolling one. (It occurs to me that Konami - amongst other companies - wanted to start the game on a high point, for testing purposes at software stores etc..) Anyway, the start-off level features rocks, laser machines, bits 'n' bobs and other things. It looks impressive, sounds impressive, and, well, is impressive. It's a good start-off level to get you into the swing of things.
The boss, called 'Arachnatron' is a spider, er, thing. Y'know something - I'd like to have it as a pet (? - Reader). It's well animated, looks great and doesn't take long to kill. Still, it reckons it's hard enough, and shoots out a web which slows you down - similar to the 'Spiger' in Godzilla.

Level 'Cor blimey - that's jolly impressive'- factor: 8/10

Area 2: Tralieb Colony (Awful Alternative NW name: Sideways scrolly bit with nice boss):
The first sideways scrolling bit (and just after you'd got used to the vertical scrolling). A little manoeuvring is required to squeeze between the baddies, but nowhere near as much as in R-Type 2 thankfully. Avoid the scenery, avoid the slow-down (sorry, skip that one), and you should cruise through the level.
The boss is an ED-209-style walker called 'T-36 Towbar'. (Ah, the lushness of manuals...) Mode-7 malarkey is the order of the day, and it looks great. Show it to a MegaDrive and A600 owner, and watch them cringe!

Level 'Cor blimey, this is jolly impressive'-factor: 7/10

Area 3 - Urbanite (Awful Alternative NW name: Above the Cities):
Vertical-scrolling time again. 'Ere's a tip:
Use the needle-cracker to burst the barriers. Slightly samey, this level. There're some stunning graphics, mind, and the music's great. Well, I like it, anyway.
'Regenertoid' - the boss - is a secret eye-ball, which changes colour every now and again. It possesses some very nice wobbly effects when it changes from flying saucer to, erm, something else, but is quite easy with the right weapon - even on 'Hard'.

Level 'Cor blimey - this is jolly impressive'-factor: 9/10

Area 4 - The Cavern (Awful Alternative NW name: The soothing music level. These are getting worse, I know. Cheers):
'Wow!' is the first word that creeps up in your mind when you see this level. It's only a horizontal scrolling one, but the water effect (which - incidentally - is an occurrence in almost every shoot 'em up now), is really great and everything. The enemies are easy to dust on Easy, but crank the difficulty up, and there's frustration aplenty. (If it wasn't for the music, you'd have your foot through the TV, even as I write.)
'Aquadon' is the guardian to the fifth level. The music surrounding him is really rather pleasant and soothing, and gives the 'Aquadon' a character of his own. It can get frustrating now and again, but, to be honest, you'll be saying "Aaaar" more frequently than "Aaaarrgh!" Oh, and when he bites the dust, you can be rest assured that he - sniff - leaves in a fantastic way.

Level 'Cor blimey, this is jolly impressive'-factor: 9/10

Area 5: Lava Planet (Awful Alternative NW name: Cor, it's a bit hot here, innit?):
Fire monsters ahoy! This vertical scrolling level is fun, but frustrating (on Hard especially). This level is one of the most impressive, but suffers from flicker and slow-down. Still, we'll make allowances just this one time.